Monday, September 30, 2013

Loneliness as a Mother

I am lucky, a least I keep telling myself that I am, and I did not get the same postpartum depression I watched my mother suffer from after my sister was born.  However, I can now clearly understand why she felt the way she did, being a working mom is exhausting and incredibly lonely, especially when your friends are at different points in their lives and they don't want to be around children.  At times, I didn't even recognize myself anymore, and it has simply scared me-- Was this the depression I was in or just a funk?

Lonley is more than just a word.
photo credit: Andreas-photography used with permission via Creative Commons
So I realised the only way things were going to change is if I did something about to make the change
happen.  I put on my galoshes and went wading and searching for a mommy group.  I didn't realize how long I would need to wallow in the mire.  You would think that being in a metropolitan area that finding a mommy group would not be any issue, and it would be easy if I had the ability to be a stay at home mom.  Nearly all the groups were geared to stay at home moms, and some even expressly looked down their virtual noses at working moms.  For weeks I searched and was feeling even more alone than I ever thought possible. Finally, I found a group that looked interesting, Cincy Momsters-- a liberal progressive group for awkward moms-- "this is me!" I thought, and I stuck my neck out there to go to an event, that was on the weekend!

I was so nervous at the 1st meet-up that I almost chickened out, but I didn't I found the group with the red balloon tied to the stroller and introduced myself.  Its really true, the 1st step is the hardest.  Then I got to talking to the other moms and met their kids and I felt like crying then and there in the middle of the farmers market where we were meeting-- I found people who I could connect with again and they didn't judge me that I needed to leave because it was nap time.  I did indeed smile so hard it hurt on the drive home as well as cry a little-- I think I have found my group.

I have been to a few events in the past 2 months and I know I have found my group.  I am so happy to be in the process of getting to know a diverse group of women and their children, it still makes my heart beam.  In closing-- if you are wallowing in the mire don't make it complicated-- get out there and find your people, they really are out there.  If a wacky liberal progressive kinda crunchy working mom like me can find her people, so can you.

Let me know what you have done to break up the loneliness of motherhood.

PS Don't think for a moment that the darling husband has not been supportive, I just needed to connect with women and he actually knew I was lonely before I could admit it to myself.


  1. Being a mom is a seriously lonely gig, and I know how working makes it even lonelier. I'm so glad you're a Momster and that you've found a place where you are comfortable. Selfishly, I'm glad you found the Momsters because you're awesome and I'm happy we're friends!

    1. I am glad I found the group too and I am even more than happy to call you a friend as well.